BREAKING NEWS: Standoff between Sarah, dirty dishes ends

OCTOBER 27, 2009
KITCHEN — A week-long standoff between Sarah and the growing pile of dirty dishes is finally over.

The 12-piece set of shiny new cookware is responsible for ending the standoff.

Just hours ago, Sarah announced the end of the standoff and openly credited the 12-piece set of shiny new cookware for helping Sarah and the dirty dishes reach a resolution.

Thought exact details of the negotiations are unknown, our experts believe that the cookware set encouraged Sarah to wash the dirty dishes, which had been piling up relentlessly over the past week despite furious protests by Sarah. As part of the compromise, the dishes have agreed to keep themselves under control from now on.

“I am proud of the progress we have made today,” Sarah said in this evening’s statement, “I hope that we can all move forward from this point with a greater sense of harmony and cleanliness.”

The entire cookware set will remain in the kitchen to provide expertise on improving productivity.

Analysts speculate that the cookware set may also soon help negotiate an end to the standoff between Sarah and the grocery store.

In which we eat pie

1. In which we cut a slice of wedding pie together to ensure a bountiful and fertile future, and also because we like to eat pie.

2. In which we determine how wide to make the slice of wedding pie — made with my own two hands — and I attempt to save the edge of the crust.

3. In which Keith gives me a bite of wedding pie (strawberry, thank you).

4. In which I shove strawberry wedding pie into Keith’s mouth at knife-point. And you’ll LIKE it, so help me…

5. In which I decide never to make strawberry pie again.