Ehmans suddenly remember about blog

JANUARY 9, 2009
SARAH’S OFFICE, Upstairs — After a three-month battle with the calendar, it suddenly occurred to the Ehmans that they have a blog.

Shawn crosses his arms and glares in disapproval of the Ehmans' blog-neglect.

They’ve made only 18 posts since the inception of K+S Online a little more than one year ago, leaving readers feeling disconnected and shut out of Keith and Sarah’s lives.

“How are we supposed to remain abreast of the details of their banal lives if they don’t bother to tell us about it?!” commented one reader, who wished to remain anonymous.

They even forgot to update their masthead according to the season; the pumpkiny-orange and chocolatey-brown October/mid-autumn design decorated the site well into January, leaving many confused and others worried.

“We thought all time had stopped,” said Shawn, a fan of Keith and Sarah. “It was horrifying.”

The Ehmans attribute the gross neglect of their personal Web space to “life, work and other stuff.” When pressed to elaborate, Keith stated, “In addition to our full-time jobs, I was teaching two classes in the evenings, Sarah was taking her second-to-last master’s course and preparing research and paperwork for her upcoming master’s project, and we both decided to make almost all of our Christmas gifts this year — I bought a lathe and have begun learning the noble craft of woodturning; Sarah crocheted a bunch of hats and scarves, and baked all kinds of delicious goodies. We also had to get the house ready to host our families for Christmas dinner. And sleep — we also had to sleep.”

Keith later added, “We wanted to post to our blog, but it just wasn’t high on our list of priorities. So we never got around to it.” He later retracted this statement after it caused waves of backlash from the global media and blog communities.

“We deeply regret the error of our ways,” said Sarah at a press conference on Friday morning. “There is no excuse for not spending an additional hour or two a week keeping the Internet updated with our exciting life of working, cleaning, eating and taking pictures — even when inspiration is not forthcoming due to the vast boredom we feel with our our lives. We value the tremendous support of the Internet, and in no way want to cause the Internet to be disappointed with us.”

Sarah went on to promise to “do better this year” by making more frequent posts — “even if it’s just a few photos” — and keeping the masthead up-to-date with the seasons and important holidays. However fans of the insignificant blog say it’s a statement that means little, given the Ehman’s blog-posting history. Still, others remain optimistic about this turn of events.

“We offer our gratitude and support for the strength and humility the Ehmans have shown this week,” the Internet said in a statement, which was released shortly after Sarah’s press conference Friday. “It’s about damn time.”

Drop in temperature prompts sock-trading frenzy

OCTOBER 13
BEDROOM — The Ehmans quickly began trading their socks today in a move that signals sock investors’ reaction to the impending downturn of the outdoor temperature.

“It’s definitely starting to cool off out there,” says Sarah, “our goal is to pull out our socks before it really starts dropping.”

The sock-trading frenzy started in mid-afternoon and continued into the evening. The Ehmans traded their dainty summer socks for more reliably warm socks, like Wool (WOL) and Thick Cotton (TCN), as experts indicate that the temperature is likely to continue dropping over the next several months.

“We’ve seen this happen before,” Sarah continues, adding, “I’m certain that this won’t last too far beyond March.”

This statement comes as good news to sock investors. But Keith warns that we’re not out of the cold yet: come February — when the temperature is expected to be at its lowest – warm socks will give way to bikinis and sandals in most retail outlets.

“I’d advise everyone to get into warm socks now,” he cautions, “because when it really drops, you won’t want your toes to be left out in the cold.”